Life in Asterisk

2010-06-18T15:37:00.000-07:00

I am affected severely by human beings. Severely in the most beautiful, whimsical, & dramatic of ways. People have helped create who I am, and whom I'm becoming; whether in a positive or negative way, or however many years ago_ I'm different. And I love this about it all. We, as humans, love to blow this type of thing off. Saying, "I'm unaffected by them." Or, "they don't really matter to me. All is vanquished." But the truth is, in our conscience, we know those faces are always with us. They're in us. And i believe that IS, for true reasons. You all, everyone of You_ have been a part of this journey in my life. Building me into a better & more interesting story. Bringing more breath & more life_ MORE than I ever dreamt of having. You see, peopel are the marrow we have. The marrow to relate ourselves to anything & everythign here and from ABOVE. I've learned something over the past season; GOD IS EVERYWHERE. And mainly where you least expect Him to be. I've seen Him in the eyes of man. In the eyes of Joy. In the eyes of fear. In the eyes of Happiness. In the eyes of disaster. Or sadness. Or confusion. & Peace. He's in you. And I'm honored to capture it.
I'm starting a series of portraits. I want to show everyone, who's willing to see, that a human can change the magnitude of beauty in our lives. Just let them.
Embark with me.*

Portraits for You. By you.

2010-06-18T15:32:00.000-07:00

2010-05-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

(Mixed Media. Soul to Soul 1. 2009)

(Mixed Media. "Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods". 2010.)

(Mixed Media. Where We Meet. 2010.)

(Acrylic. Middle. Earth. 2010.)

(Acrylic. Mating of The Fireflies. 2009.)

2010-04-01T12:23:00.000-07:00

ONCE COLD HEARTS

Light gives warmth;
all the more, light
which gives itself to the dark

but light is
notorious
also, for exposing us(

that’s what the
aurora is,
charred particles escaping.
but is this
not the hope of
sons and daughters everywhere?

)everywhere
cold hearts finding
life in the very light they
they fear. And,
growing warm, sing
to the dark from which they came.

(c) 2010 Justin P. Heap

2010-03-02T14:58:00.001-08:00

The most beautiful sound.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RikpE874qJk

Love in Skyscrapers.

2010-02-28T10:37:00.000-08:00

On a quest to find True Love* in this comfortable realm we live in_ I've found temporary vices. Ones that only fill shortly and that try to Convince us of their permanence. (This seems very standard to say, because of our knowledge of flesh vs. righteousness. But I find we've become intensely passive with the difference between Vice & Virtue.)
Oh my. The traps. The Lies_ we fall into.
An apple. A sin. A myth. A touch. A temptation. A true fulfillment ceased.
Where is the Truth we need, to survive?
Even as believers of a God that brings beautiful, true life.... we put on Expendable Smiles. We think that people can't see through of us.
Those teeth we have. Perched on moments of happiness & flattery.
But where is the raw beauty? The truth?
We've spend all, or most, of our lives convincing instead of Being. We'd rather push than jump with others into this thing called "Everlasting Life."

Jesus came to save us. But not only save, but to live Ornately within each part of our humanly existence.
WE are human. But Oh, how foreign does this sound!
We shall not be taken as humans anymore.
For we ate of the body. We've taken from the cup.
How are we JUST humans?
Our yoke has been taken.
So why do we live alien in our own lives?

I feel we focus a lot on "The Fall", provided by the Book of Genesis. We know that The Fall brought the biggest distance between us & God. And as a group of individuals spending most of our lives making this up to God, or even more so to ourselves, I'm still not convinced that we really understand how to not live Falling.

We all have fruit to bear. "They shall know them by their Fruit." But I also tend to believe that we all have Trees in our lives. Trees to decide which fruits should be devoured or sacrificed.

And in that being said_ some type of wholeness must come into play.

To my knowledge_ there is a covenant being dismissed on this Earth. One that is worth all the pearls, all the attempts in folly, all the coins, all my breaths.... it's worth losing myself endlessly over. Because this Covenant, like all covenants is swimming in the gracious pools of sacrifice*

I'm still questing.

*

[ I wanted to explain myself, by True Love, I mean it in no connotation to male/female relational desires. Just in view of the umbrella of Love above all "types" of love.]

2010-02-06T15:16:00.000-08:00

[ may desires rise in the midst of Kingdom come. may soil spill as the chests crack awake.] jan.22.10

[ oh moon. you shine no darkeness_ for you illuminate all folly. arise o earth_ in your brilliant endeavors. spring toward the cries of man. glistening softly in the tears of hope. erasing in beams of radiance. enlightening & beaming all that may proceed.] jan.22.10

[ will let it rest. let it all rest. under my head. with arm beneath feathers. twinkled as the sky.] jan.23.10

[ resting thoughts. resonating to the weary world.

i've known you recently. in slumber times in sounding tunes.

feathers upon the world. lightness evolves into mystic minds.

i'm falling. wide asleep.] jan.27.10

[ i find hope in all you are. i find serenity in the breath afloat. i taste and see. i begin to dream. enveloped into a world so close, so sweet. you whisper, as my breath is caught. your net of grace spins angelically. you're faint, but not far. you're listening. both noticing. this twinkled universe is meant for us. scattered within this network of hosts. stars abounding in the sound of adoration. of passion. of unkept behaviors. we are caught, aren't we? silver-spun lining_ i am lying under_ what is left of the stars we shared. you are wherever i want to be. you are here, in my memory. when we gaze once more_ can you speak it's existence into forever. for me.] feb.2.10

4.

2009-11-10T20:26:00.000-08:00

["....one of the failings of the English language is the fact that we have only one word for love. The ancient Greeks used four. Agape was their word for the love of God... it should be the basis of any relationship between people. Then there is their word for the love of friendship, and that is philia... makes you like to be with them and spend time doing things together. Third is what the Greeks called storge. Storge is the sort of love that you feel for someone who has been a part of your life for a long time, and if they go away, you miss them far more than you ever thought you would. They leave a hole in your emotional life that no one else can fill. Fourth is the love... the Greeks called it eros, and it is also called "romance." .... If all of these things happened.... considered he was "in love.""]
---Jack's Life by Douglas Gresham

It's an interesting thing, love. I try to be a person of words, hopefully ranging to and fro in a somewhat elaborate dictionary; I fail many days at this. But I'm an "action" & descriptive kind of gal, using as many adjectives as possible to describe something magnificently taking place. "Love" is a word spun off of my lips far too many times. It's what the scholars pronounce as overused, overdone, & understated. "I love....." starts off many of our usual conversations but true Love is meant for something beyond what we "normally" experience. It's meant to spark our life in a mysterious & blessED way_ to show us the beauty & divinity of life beyond earth_ granting us an experience that CAPTIVATES us above anything that has ever enveloped us in our mediocre lives.
Over the past several months I have experienced a great deal of things. Broken hearts of each angle, joy as high as the mountains, failure that dooms, prayers of hope, smiles that last, brilliant company, lusts of the flesh, desires & dreams of the heart, sadness that reckons, crushes that ache, beauty that stills me, & pictures of life. I've glanced at desperate love, temporary love, unsatisfying love, angry love, bitter love, sad love, pessimistic love, fleeing love, & even ugly love. And after time & time & time of these hemorrhages taking place, when I've lost sight and hope at times, where tears have fallen, where memories are wished away..... epiphanies have happened in current events.
We all hear, "Life is meant for something greater," but I say, "LOVE IS MEANT FOR SOMETHING GREATER."
Let's do justice to the word. Let's give graciously to the action of it. Let's honor what it stands for. Let's live for it, past anything that has mundanely occurred so far.
The thing about before, all those adjectives of love I've seen lately, they're so very much out of place The love we experience should be patient, lasting, fulfilling, peaceful, joyful, positive, staining, & beautiful.
The epiphany of these things..... it leads me to the knowledge that love is big, & greater than anything ever thought up by men alone. It leads us to the bounty that we SHOULD experience abnormally but naturally in the most specific of occasions.
I do experience the thought of love in music, art, & people. It's beautiful, it's quite beautiful, to say the least. But the EXISTENCE of love is crucial to the way we live & the way we act.
Our Savior didn't die normally to show us a typical love. He died unbearably to give us a remarkable reference to the humility we can take on everyday.
LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.
We should write more love notes.
TRUE ones.

*

2009-11-07T18:52:00.000-08:00

Truly Jesus.

2009-09-26T23:42:00.001-07:00

There are times when I am hit. Hit with a mystery, maybe even a miracle. I live in random, almost vicarious moments where life is seemingly lived in another realm. maybe even in another body.
I grew up, most definitely, as a whimsical child in nature. Life was a canvas to the tip of my heart & soul_ I knew, even at a young age, that all i wanted was to LIVE. To live a life that no other could come close to touching.
I think back to older moments of life, the changes. the decisions. the moments of perplexities. and most assuredly the moments of freedom. [of life].
Sometimes I sit, and I just don't know a thing. It's the scariest moments of my life, not knowing. But then I realize, not knowing gives substance to believing.
There are two paths I've come encounter with: Reality & Mystique.
Last night I thought back to the moment of me knowing Jesus for the first time. I was at a fall retreat_ everyone talked about Jesus here. I remember all the questions that burned within me.
What if it doesn't happen for me?
What if my heart won't let Jesus in?
What does life look like after this point?
What if people can't tell that He's in me?
Is this legit?
Am I legit?
Where is my heart?
Do I truly want this?
Question after question after question after question.

and then..... I was HIT. In one of those pivotal kind of moments of mystery & truth. As i sat on the ground, my back to a tree, everything within me was silenced. I knew that no question I ever conjured up could ever outlive what truly existed. God was there. and He's here now.
I thought about my life last night, and what if Jesus never happened for me. Would I have lived whimsically still for 21 years of my life? Would I love people the way I do? Would I see the sweetness in the marrow of life that has been given?
I was made whimsical as a young child. But by the bounty of Christ, I was preserved. I was truly saved.

"SAVED" is a term coined by Christians, and lives, now, to irk us by the judgement of men. But when a savior exists. and when life is different from that point on. I was down right "saved". Saved from a life of selfishness. a life of injury. a life of disappointment. a life of wickedness. a life full of monotony. a life of complacency.

I live in a canvas.

being stretched. formed. primed. & ready for a masterpiece.

Somedays, I still sit & wonder the legitimacy of things in my life........ the road of plain reality is quick to sadden...... but the road of mystique, that's where poetry is. where dancers twirl. where life is made into the best reality. One worth living. One where we're saved. We're free. and I am me. and you are you. and Jesus Truly is.

be Hit*